Thank You God For These Blessings . . .

The house is quiet except for the ticking of the kitchen clock. Tibbi chases bunnies in her dreams, as she twitches her eyebrows and feet on the loveseat next to me. The kitties are stretching and yawning as they stare up at me wondering why I'm up so early but not petting them (the nerve!), and R sleeps peacefully in the other room. I am grateful he has a chance to sleep in a little, since usually on the weekends he's on auto-awake by 4:30 or so. The cinnamon rolls are on their 2nd rise, I smell the aroma of the coffee and I know that this is the only peaceful time I'll have in the day ahead. And the organized chaos that is coming is something I anticipate eagerly every year.

My mother thinks I'm crazy, as the feast cooking nuttiness has skipped from Grandma to me, bypassing mom altogether. That's ok, that just means one more person allowing us our day to cook without trying to encroach on our territory by making anything herself! I admit freely that R and I are more than a little controlling about the cooking when it comes to most functions in our home, but especially Thanksgiving. Everyone generously offers to bring dishes, which I do appreciate, but that would be one less thing we are able to do, and this is something we give of ourselves to our loved ones, an annual gift of our time, talent and enthusiasm. I have been baking for the last two days, and by the time I listed what it is I've baked you would think we were expecting a crowd, not just 9 of us. I'd love to have a crowd, but this will do for now, and there are plenty of leftovers to send home with everyone. I have to send home leftovers! Our fridge isn't nearly big enough to hold everything.

It's not just about the food though. This morning as I sit here in the peace of pre-dawn quiet I am grateful for so much more than just the food. I am truly blessed. This is my 7th Thanksgiving with R, the man God brought into my life when I felt like I'd been sucker punched and everything had fallen apart. He is the most generous hearted man I've ever met, and behind the quiet demeanor and the somewhat steely stare, lies more strength, honor and integrity than most people will ever dream of encountering. He scooped me off the floor of despair, with all of my baggage, and he mended my heart. I returned the favor of scooping him up with his baggage, and together we are unloading it, bit by bit, and carrying what remains together. He was God's answer to a prayer I hadn't even known I'd made.

I am grateful for my children - as difficult as the empty nest was for me to adapt to, they have grown up to be independent adults, going about their lives under what appears to be their own terms. I've come to realize that that means I did my job, as best I could, and I will indulge in a little back patting here. They will always encounter their own bumps in the road, taking detours they probably should have thought better of before they took them, but isn't that the case with everyone? They, and my wonderful son-in-law, know that we are always here for them, to offer advice if needed, or a shoulder to lean on. I pray though, that when life gives them struggles, that they go to God 1st for help, and allow Him to work in their lives. I can offer motherly support, but the Heavenly Father is their rock, their guide and their hope, and I pray they know that deep in their hearts.

There are many blessings I could list, but this would go on all day if I did. Friends, family, job, a home and running vehicles. Food, warm clothing, a healthy body able to function better at 47 than it did at 37! So many things that the mind boggles at the generosity of our Lord, and in spite of everything going on in this world, I sit here knowing His hand is on us, and will continue to be into the New Year.

Well, the bunny chasing is done and Tibbi is rolling around on the floor scratching her back and from the expression on her face she's getting ready to start tap dancing at the back door. Hubby is awake and pouring his first cup of coffee and the sun is coming up. It is time to pop those cinnamon rolls in the oven and get the rest of the days duties done so we can sit at the table and laugh, eat and make memories that we will cherish forever.

Of everything I ever thought I knew, I do know this for sure. Nothing is ever as important as family, and nothing ever will be. Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless You.

Don't be a Deadbeat Citizen . . .

Watching the news and world events lately makes being raised in the USA feel like an even bigger blessing and privilege. Complacency is not an option though, not now and not at this juncture in history. Our right to pray, to worship, to speak freely, to live our lives the way we choose, our right to run our businesses as we feel we should, to build a future for our children - these rights are systematically being whittled away by a very vocal, very discordant minority of noisy troublemakers. I've never been good at keeping my opinions to myself, and I know that anyone who has ever made my acquaintance, even briefly, knows where I stand spiritually and politically, so nothing I say will come as a shock or surprise to anyone.

Wake up America! Wake up and know that it is not too late to save our nation from the brink of disaster by those who wish to do her harm! It is not too late to keep our right to free speech, to worship God openly and yes, even in public. It is not too late to reduce our dependence on foreign fossil fuels and become self-sufficient, it is not too late to bring us back from the slippery and horribly steep financial slope we are sliding down, it is not too late to let our enemies know that we are NOT going to bow down or apologize for who we are any more!

We have an obligation and a sacred responsibility to get out and vote. Our forefathers shed blood and tears, died on the battlefield, so that we could carry out this most wonderful of duties. No matter whether you agree with me, or don't, whether you vote the way I believe, or in a way I think is detrimental to our country . . . our very right to freedom says that you can feel any way you want. . .Our men and women in the military continue the fight our forefathers started so many years ago, giving their lives, their health, their hearts and their inner peace, so that you can speak your mind. Please do so. Please don't wait, don't be a deadbeat citizen. Get out and vote. Our country depends on it.

Believing In Love . . . Repairing Broken Hearts and Shattered Dreams . . .

I believe in marriage. Completely, thoroughly, and with all of my heart. Even after 22 years in a marriage that did not work, I believe in it. God created marriage and the vows between two people who choose to spend their lives together are sacred. It seems like people treat marriage as if it is a transitional stage to be entered into with a built in "get-out-if-things-get tough" clause. This isn't how things were intended to be! God gave a couple of reasons for marriages to dissolve - infidelity being one of them, and abuse being another. In my case it was both, but even so I did not choose to leave. I placed great value on the vows I took, and the better/worse/richer/poorer meant something to me. Even though I was miserable and an emotionally beaten wreck, I knew that my place was right where I was and it took my ex-husband to make the choice to leave. In hindsight it was the best thing that could have happened to me, because now I am married to an amazing man who loves God and he values marriage, which results in loving and respecting me and the promises we made to each other.

Right now two people I love very much are facing such an intense struggle in their marriage that my heart is breaking for them. Their love had such promise in the beginning, and in spite of the very obvious hurdles and challenges they would face in their lives together, they are both strong and resilient people and if anyone could make this work, they could. I believe that God brought them together for a purpose, and I believe that He has saved them from some very real dangers so that that purpose can be fulfilled. Their failure to truly be able to communicate with each other how they feel, what they need, and together work out a compromise that works for both of them stems partly from their youth, partly from individual self-centered focus on their own issues, and partly from not basing their marriage on Godly principles. They have been beating their heads against the walls of wanting their own way in this life, forgetting that marriage has to be WORKED at for it to actually function, and holding out for unrealistic expectations that saying "I Do" would suddenly make the monsters go away and a sense of wonder, excitement and contentment move in and live forever in their relationship. This just isn't real life.

Real life is facing problems together and deciding what is best for the health of the relationship. Real life is sometimes giving up your own desires for the comfort and well-being of your spouse. Real life is sometimes having to cry to release the hurt before you work through it. It is sometimes feeling like screaming at the one you love out of sheer frustration, then holding them close afterward. It is loving your spouse always, but knowing that there are times you just won't like each other very much. It is accepting the other person for who they are without recrimination, it is trusting that they will be faithful to you and you only because that is what they vowed to do. If that vow is broken, then it is time to decide where to go with the problem, but until that actually happens, there must be trust! Loving your spouse is seeing that what you are doing is ripping them apart, and doing whatever is necessary to fix it and change what it is you are doing. Sacrificing yourself for them, which will end up being the most rewarding thing you've ever done. It is never calling names, because words cannot be unsaid once they are said.

What I see is two people who started out with dreams, but many obstacles to face. I see some things that cannot be changed, but that can be adapted to with patience and a good, long, clear look inside of yourselves. There is a need to stop pointing fingers at what the other is doing, because each of you is causing hurt to the other, so stop what it is you are doing to help the hurt to stop happening. Start understanding where the other is coming from and take baby steps towards reaching a place of understanding and calm. I see two people who need to get some help with these struggles, and there are definitely places to turn for that help if you'll just try.

Please, don't let the struggle of right now destroy the promise of tomorrow. This is an opportunity to grow, to learn how to overcome the temptation to just give up. You are worth the effort. Your love is strong enough, you just have lost sight of that in the face of what is currently going on. God brought you together, the vows you made were intended to last for your lifetime. Marriage should not be disposable, please treat it gently and with care. Seek help through Christian counseling, EFT Therapy to resolve the emotional impact of past emotional trauma, and/or at home Christ based relationship studies. Please don't give up on your love, it's precious, so very fragile, and so worth the tender care to keep it safe and help it to grow.

It is my hourly prayer that God hold you close to Him, that He help you to heal, give you the strength to abide by the promises you made to each other and not take the simple way out. It is my prayer that the love that you found in the beginning will flourish and grow, for in God everything is possible.

Milestones and Goals . . .

When my son was about 10 years old he announced that some day he was going to be a policeman. Many boys say this, and he, like so many other children, changed his mind about what he wanted to be when he grew up many times. At one point he wanted to be a cowboy (that one was pretty shortlived), then a stuntman (with his ability to hurt himself tripping over air, that one was ill-advised), and of course "a cop". He'd go back and forth and change his future dreams on a whim, but it always came back to wanting to be a policeman. Most children make announcements of this sort and as life goes on they go on to either more easily achievable dreams, or reduce their wishes to something that isn't anywhere near the grandiose schemes of youth. I'm sure many of us sit down at night and wonder where all of our dreams for the future went and how we ended up where we are. Most children though, aren't my son. When he was 12 he created a plan of action for achieving a position in law enforcement. He found out he could be on the search and rescue team when he turned 14 . . . so he did! He was a team leader by the time he was 15, and training other new search team members. He took a course through school in fire and law enforcement, which resulted in becoming a Sheriff's Cadet by the time he was 16. When he was 17 he signed up to join the USCG Reserves, and 3 days after he turned 18 he was leaving for basic training - with Mom sobbing hysterically the whole time. The following few years saw him home from basic, off to A-School, and on 3 deployments around the globe. When he returned from his last deployment he applied and tested for a position on a small town police department, and was hired! On June 20th, 2012 my son achieved his goal. . . he graduated 3rd in his class from the police academy!!! We can all take a page from this young man's book. He set a goal for himself, he created a plan, and he carried out that plan to achieve his dreams. I'm so proud of him, and a part of me is envious. I was one of those people who had big dreams, but that's all they really were. . . they didn't become goals to be carried out. On second thought, I did achieve my goal. I raised two productive people from birth to adulthood, and I gave to the world some amazing people who will do amazing things, each in their own way. I thought I wanted more out of life, but really, I think I'm fine with what I have. I have love, I have family, I have friends, and I see my son reaching his goals and carrying out his dreams. Life is good!

Reflections and Resolutions

You know, I hear from some people that they've had a bad year, and are hoping the new one is better. I don't understand that I guess. The year is what we made of it and though sometimes bad things happen through anyone's life, time isn't at fault, a date doesn't change things. We do. Sitting here, sipping a glass of very nice wine, my handsome husband sitting across the room from me, watching a movie together and just BEING on this first day of 2012, I have time to reflect over 2011 and make plans for how I'd like to see 2012 play out. But I have to, throughout these introspections admit that 2011 wasn't a bad year, not bad at all. You see, for every negative thing I could point out, I can also point out positive ones.

Sure, we have an idiot in charge of the insane assylum we call a government, and that idiot has made it his mission to destroy the nation I love so much, as do so many of us. Sure, our national debt is so huge and growing as I type by leaps and bounds, that our children, their children, and into the future generations will be paying for it in ways we cannot imagine, since it's difficult for us to envision life in a country that is changing so dramatically. Sure, we have natural disasters happening day after day that our environmental scientists cannot explain, and man made disasters that fill us with fear as their results manifest themselves . . . and I could go on and on, but there's no reason. I've made my point. However, our forefathers and mothers also faced disasters that they felt meant the end of the world as they knew it, and perhaps it was the end of their world. I don't know, I wasn't around then. I know though, that through it all, God is bigger than the disasters, He's smarter than any number of insane and idiotic "leaders", He's got a plan and though I may not get what that plan is for now, I can see it unfolding and I consider myself mentally and spiritually able to meet the challenges He is placing before me.

I'd like to focus for a moment on the great things about 2011, because there really were great things. I'd like to put away the negative thoughts because I could let them fill my head and heart and dim the beauty of the gifts I've been given. This year has been filled with amazing feats of self-discovery. I have learned that I am strong! I knew I could get through anything I had to get through, because I've been through difficult times in recent years. This strength was different. I took charge of my life in a way I never have before and came through victorious - with the help of my incredibly supportive husband - I came through standing tall and proud of my accomplishments. I threw off the yoke of imprisonment that my body was holding me in by shedding 77.5 lbs. Anyone who is living in that prison knows what I am talking about when I speak of being trapped inside my body. I'm not any more. I walk into a room and hold my head high, no longer wanting to hide. What an incredible feeling that is! Through that blessing I started a business and it is slowly growing. With this business, blessed by God and wonderful customers, I will be able to declare at least a small amount of independence from work-related stress. Perhaps ultimately be completely independent of having to be on someone else's schedule and under someone else's authority. How amazing would that be? But even if my business doesn't grow to that level, I am blessed to be meeting new people who are willing to accept the advice and help I am able to give them, to help them be released from their own physical imprisonment. God has blessed me by using me to bless others. This year I have been allowed to be a part of so many wonderful projects through my church, which have in turn helped the community and maybe blessed those who haven't yet met the Lord. Amen to that! But most importantly I am so blessed by my family. I have a husband who loves me and treats me like I am special. I still am not used to how that feels, and hope I never do get used to it. I would hate to ever take it for granted. I am blessed by my children. My son and his fiancee returned safely from their service in Kuwait and are settling into a life and routine that gives them contentment. My daughter and her husband are happy and have been presented with some amazing opportunities and I couldn't be more proud of them! My parents moved nearby - down the road in fact - and that alone is a blessing. I may not see them every day, or even once a week, but we are there for each other if we need something, and that is a comfort in so many ways. Finally I am blessed by friends. I have made some new ones, and I am blessed to have some who have continued to be there for me throughout the year, and who I know will continue to be there for me always.

Yes, there are challenges that I have dealt with this year, and there are some challenges I will continue to deal with through the new year. There are emotions to reconcile, difficulties to face, and ways I can grow. But I know that 2011 was a blessing, 2012 will be another blessed year, and I have everything I need in this life to make me happy. A God who will never forsake me, a husband who sees my faults and loves me anyway, children who I am blessed to have in my life, parents who care about me no matter what, and friends I love and cherish. The other stuff? It's just stuff. Nobody can get me down if I don't let them, and 2012 can only be a bad year if I make it that way. And I won't. I am determined that 2012 will be a year of exciting new things, and a year when I will make many new and beautiful memories, and there will be incredible challenges to face.

God bless 2012!